A Sense of Wonder

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I took this at Edison train station, on one of the last payphones I see nowadays. The special paper is from a 99 cent notebook bought at Unique thrift shop. I love going there for their cheap books. I just noticed you can call for free for God’s blessing / Daily prayer. I wanna try it and see how corny it is haha. The paper reads:

things I miss but shouldn’t:

x paranoia – I was always right
x throw up – I’d inevitably feel better
x screaming – it felt like relief
x crying – salty catharsis
x hangovers – I survived
x rage – righteousness
x him – he was my brightest future
x apathy – nothing can harm me
x breakdown – I recovered & become stronger
x spills – something to do
x humiliation – I had pride
x her – she wanted me to be okay
x smudges – more personal
x jealousy – mine to protect
x pain – I’m alive
x error – I am human
x delusions – fascinating horror
x voices – I wasn’t alone

him refers to the open me note. her was the last meeting with an old college roommate when I had my second psychosis. Never heard from her again. Still gets me down.  This whole fucking list does.

I’m so glad the next one is more hopeful lol.

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