So I ordered my very own sketchbook from the art house coop sketchbook project for 2012 a while back. I received it July 30th and I got the time traveler theme. I chose it because I wanted to write something for my soulmate. I could’ve gone with a book for my future children or to myself but this seems more fitting since I’m single right now and I’m not sure how long this status will last. And I feel like if I started this while I was dating someone then it’d throw everything off.
Anyway, here’s some working concepts of this sketchbook, including some expansion of the ideas I previously stated. I’ll definitely be adding to the list once I get a good idea that wants in.
I’m going to do two pages per week and I’ll post the result by Saturday or Sunday. But you’re lucky ‘cuz this week you’ll get two updates hehe. I just hope it turns out well and that my future man won’t hate me for this. If he is to be then he really wouldn’t, maybe embarrassed but dude, I wasn’t even with you at the time so why you freaking!?!? The only one who would be sheepish is me and frankly my status as a writer to be affirms me to being open to a big extent. Not all the way though, everyone deserves a degree of privacy.
Anyway here’s the cover:
It looks like a regular moleskine notebook. No worries, I’ll spruce it up in December or January and make it real lovely. I actually thought of two potential titles but the second one I think I won’t be able to top. I’ll blog about it later on this week and maybe you can be the judge of that.
Here’s the first but technically third page:
I didn’t want to do the very first page since I was scurred and I figured that I could make a solid intro once it’s all done. Not quite sure what I’ll do with the second page but we shall see.
Anyway, this is a letter to him. Here’s a transcript since not that many of you will be able to read my chickenscratch:
2:55 AM Thursday August 11th, 2011 – indian styled sitting by the night light in the bedroom I share w/ my grandmother, Primitiva. // Hello my sweetheart, I hope you are well and extremely happy and secure with me. I don’t know when I’ll bring you to see this but I really hope you like it. This is probably before we met, definitely before we were together so maybe this will be interesting for you darling. Maybe.
Anyway, I wanted to tell you that this psychic from Soho read my palm {and… these weird ass parentheses indicate that these words are not part of the original text, dig?} told me that I’ll meet you at 26 and we’ll get married at 28 and that I’ll have two kids, most likely with just you. To be honest baby, that scared me. I DEFINITELY didn’t want to settle down at 28 much less after knowing you for only two years (no offense) that’s just insane to me. But who knows what will happen in three years, maybe I’ll be more than eager to get married. I just hope I do a lot of single living by then beautiful one.
But I do wonder about you, and a lot more since I got my palm read last week. Are you successful? Passionate? Fucking gorgeous? Sensual? Adorable? Kind? Affectionate? Intelligent? Well-read? Educated? Talented? Rich? Creative? Eloquent? Playful? Outgoing? Sweet? Open-minded? Honorable? Artistic? Worldly? Stylish? Gentle?
I have no clue how many of these qualities you possess but I hope it’s many. In any case, this was meant for you, and me, to chronicle my desires & thoughts until I submit it by January 31st, 2012. That only gives me 5 months and under three weeks to tell you exactly how I feel for you. Or hope to feel. Or despair to feel. I just hope you can understand this & me. Please don’t give up on us or me my love. Please don’t.
Eileen Ramos @ 3:15 AM PAGE ONE
So that’s that. Did my handwriting get any better baby? Please say yes. And how accurate was the palm reader? And do you consider yourself to be any of those traits? You may not but I think/hope I will :). Stay strong.
Now here’s the second page, with a bit of the third:
Ergh. Just realized that the bottom is out of focus, and probably the rest of the photo since I never did finish that digital photography class haha {one day}. Anyway, this is a list of traits I want in my soulmate:
TEN QUALITIES I WANT IN MY SOULMATE:
1.) ATTRACTION: If I’m not attracted to you at all then we really have no hope. You don’t have to be drop dead gorgeous just have some physical traits about yourself like height, eyeglasses, stylish wear, and a confident smile. It doesn’t have to be all physical either, I can be into your words, your actions, or your personality. Just bring it. 2.) PASSION: Even if I don’t understand or give a shit about it, I’ll be so glad you have something to be passionate about. It’s what makes you interesting, and who knows, maybe I’ll get into it as well. You need to have a drive for your life and what you want. I need someone who craves their desires so I can be motivated to do the same. Understand?
3.) SENSE OF HUMOR: If we’re gong to survive, you need to make me laugh AND have to be willing to make fun of yourself. If you don’t do either, i’m fucking dropping you for a clown, bobo haha. But seriously, I need levity in my life to make it more joyful. Please bring slaughter in my world. 4.) INTELLIGENCE: You don’t have to be smarter than me, just have more knowledge than me in at least one area. I love to learn and who’d be better than my lover? Bonus points if you love to read. It’d be grand if we could trade off books and talk literature for hours. Please read.
5.) CONFIDENCE: I want my sweetie to have swagger. They need to feel confident about me, us, and especially himself. I don’t want some timid, scared sad sack who won’t do jackshit about himself. I need a go-getter. Brownie points if they’re aggressive, especially in the bedroom. What can I say, I enjoy being dominated hehe. 6.) CREATIVITY: I want someone who makes things interesting for himself and me. Who isn’t bland and boring and is willing to try out new things, places, and events. You don’t have to be an artist, just have some flair somewhere.
7.) SWEETNESS: Act like a thug all you want, but you have to be sweet towards me at least some of the time. I will need you to be a firm disciplinarian with me at times but I need you to be kind and adorable with me as well. Cuddle me after a rough fuck session. Hold me if I cry. Just be gentle okay? 8.) OUTGOING: Ii’m kind of shy though I am getting there so I need you to encourage me to come out of my shell. I need someone who’s comfortable with strangers and presentations and new things and who’ll push me forward and let me know when I’m being socially awkward please. Which will be often so help me dammit hehe. 9.) HONORABLE: I need someone with strong ethics and ideals and won’t bend to societal pressures. Please do the right thing when no one’s watching. 10.) INDEPENDENCE: Do not be a clinger. I need someone who maintains freedom and pushes for the same with me. I want my own life separate from you so PAGE TWO
Pretty thorough right? I think I hit all the areas I want in a man. I’m gonna keep as faithful to the original as possible but I did insert some commas where they didn’t exist. Just a minor adjustment. I don’t think these values will change so maybe you oughta checklist yourself and make sure that you fit the criteria :). Don’t worry, you can hand me the list of your own desires in a female companion. I don’t think I’ll mind. EXCEPT if you want a big titties. Then I might slap you… but maybe I can snag a pair if I breast feed haha.
Here’s the final part which is the the top of the third page:
Just a continuation of the tenth trait and some finally words:
You should crave the same. I don’t want our lives and personalities to meld into each other, just be compliments. I think we’ll care about each {other} more if we maintain individual spaces and worlds. Of course there should be overlap but if only there’s a mutual desire and need. We can always chat about it and show and tell the finished products. It’ll be fun darling =). ANYWAYS THIS IS ALL I WANT FROM YOU. AND I’M SURE YOU FULFILL ALL THESE REQUIREMENTS. I WONDER IF THEY’VE CHANGED OVER THE YEARS. MAYBE THE ORDER. I JUST HOPE I FIT YOUR DREAM GIRL IMAGE DREAM BOAT. REALLY I DO. 08.12.11 3:11 AM
Yeah, I really don’t want to be richandamy of zits fame. Love that strip, I should restart reading daily comics again. I really like the idea of both of us being completely free to do what we want within reason. I think we could conquer more of the world that way 🙂
So those are my first few pages. I hope you like it! Although, I did cringe when I realized that I inserted a NSFW tidbit in there but whatever. It’s not like I’m 16 or anything… holy fuck I’m seven years older than a sixteen year old. So damn old.
But I don’t want to censor myself to you or to myself, much less strangers who’ll be leafing through this sucker. I might want to do that with friends and especially family but thinking back recently, I’ve wrote some racy things and posted up risque pics {not of myself of course, just of half nekkid hotties hehe}. And I heard no complaints thus far. So it’s whatever. I’m just getting paranoid about it that’s all.
Hopefully these updates will be thorough and on time. I’m hoping to make it more visual and not just straight writing. Maybe sketch a little if I’m decent enough at it.
I know I have to make the first seven total pages and inside front cover dynamic and interesting so people can look at it when they browse online through the digital library. Then again, I’m not sure if I should make it that cool looking since this is pretty private. Hmm. Dilemma. Again. Haha.
You know what, I think I will. Since this will be technically the first time my work will be in a library of sorts, I should make it really fascinating to leaf through and peruse. And I don’t want to bore you with straight writing sweetie, no matter how awesome my words are 😀 hehe. Besides, it’s gonna fucking disgust me. I love collage journaling now and it just makes my words so much more interesting with ephemera attached to it.
So hopefully by Friday, I’ll finish the next two pages and get them photoed and uploaded onto here by the end of the weekend. I just hope my next actions will be really fantastic.
eileen