It gets almost disgusting writing about the one you love, the ones that hurt you, the ones who disappeared, the ones you miss. There’s this deep sense of inadequacy and this etching gap that lies between the writer and the subject because you write to keep them alive. And all that’s left is a lingering paper-trail that you later find under a pile of crinkled papers or under useless old books that lie in dusty bookcases and if you should ever part, you would never be found by the next lover in line. There’s nothing left of you.
And then you can’t help but wonder if they will be sad when the day comes you stop writing about them. You stop because there isn’t anything to say anymore. There isn’t anything left to prove.
Relating so hard. What’s good is that the 30 day challenge that I will eventually write on my main tumblr will probably be the final thing I’ll ever say to my first and only ex, Richard. I’ve really run out of things to say to the guy and in this challenge, it’s where you say the things you want to say to people. And after I fill about ten lines or so {cuz I have this strong ass tendency to go overboard with this shit haha}, I think I will definitely be done with him. Finally.
It’s been over 2.5 years since I last heard from him and I have no idea what he’s up to at all. I hope he’s okay and happy and can safely say that he loves himself completely.
I’d go on but I should save it for the challenge haha.
I’m just wondering if any of the guys who are currently in my life will stay on my mind that long. I’m pretty sure this one geezer will hahah. Probably much longer since he’s remained in my life for a longer time and I feel so much closer and connected with him than I ever did with that ex.
He says that we’ll be friends forever but I don’t know about that. I would like to be because I have so much fun talking with him and just being around him. Yet I’m pretty scared that it’s going to fall apart at some near future point.
Thinking about it right now is making me tear up a little. This is so stupid, I shouldn’t get so emotional over something that hasn’t happened yet.
Geesh.